Tag Archives: Liberty University

Thought you had problems then?

The unwavering disciples of the Prince of Darkness performed a Pink Mass over the grave of Catherine Idalette Johnston, the mother of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Jr.  Westboro has yet to officially comment on the eternal gaying of its leader’s dead mom, but the owner of the cemetery where the ceremony was performed has filed charges with the local police department.

http://www.vice.com/read/mississippi-police-want-to-arrest-the-satanists-who-turn-dead-people-gay

It’s a good thing Mrs. N. isn’t the “I told you so” kind of person.   It isn’t like Mrs. N. didn’t try to warn people when the Fundamentalist Christian scholars over at Liberty University started praying Gay people Straight.  Don’t you remember?  And, it isn’t like she didn’t warn you all about the shenanigans those Mormons get up to out in Salt Lake City with that Mormon Pumpernickel Choir of theirs.  Marrying their dead Mormon relatives to non-Mormon dead people so that they can get into Mormon Heaven (where ever the fuck that is).  Them and their magic underpants and all.

It was only a matter of time until someone put all this religious mumbo-jumbo together.  It was inevitable that Freedom of Religion, that ridiculous notion that America was supposedly founded upon, showed its true colors.  Sure, people of different religious allegiances and persuasions can be expected to hate and kill each other over actual, or, perceived insults, and unavoidable lapses in polite conduct… behavior… manners are all sure to end badly.  That kind of stuff is, more or less, a given.  But, as Mrs. N. knew all along… It was bound to get silly.

“Give them an inch and they will take a yard”  How many times have you heard that said.  Well!  THIS is exactly the kind of shit you get when you let more than one brand of CRAZY, more than one breed of dog, loose in the yard unsupervised.  This is the kind of misbehavior the deeply religious will get up to if you let them… and BOY do we let them!

It’s the same kind of baloney we get up to when we discuss kids.  How many times have you heard it?  “Oh, they are all special in their own way.”    Sure they are.  All special…

Now all this bullshitting each other in the name of Freedom and Liberty is really starting to take its toll on a persons ability to take ANYTHING seriously.   We are beginning to learn that the more times you say yes to crazy… the harder it gets to ever say no.  We are living the nightmare of our own design.  We are adrift, all alone, in our own little flimsy boats in a vast and rolling sea of bullshit.  Anything Goes… as it turns out, in the end, means everything goes.

For all any of you know, tomorrow morning, you could wake up to not only find yourself dead, but, Gay and Mormon TOO!

Don’t you dare say I didn’t warn you.

Kiss, kiss

Mrs. N.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Liberty Counsel

The right-wing legal group Liberty Counsel has filed a lawsuit challenging New Jersey’s ban on “ex-gay” therapy, signed into law this week by Gov. Chris Christie.   So, how do we look at this?

I don’t know about the rest of you, but, it’s just another day at the garage for Mrs. N.   The crazy-assed nut jobs who make their living running the big churches here in Central Virginia are out doing Jesus’ work, as usual.  Liberty Counsel, the proud public service arm of the world famous “Liberty Law School”, hot off a spectacular loss in their patriotic attempt to have the Affordable Care Act declared unconstitutional because, after all, the president is a nigger, have set their sights on Chris Christie, Governor of New Jersey.

Liberty Counsel filed the complaint Thursday in U.S. District Court in New Jersey on behalf of two counselors who practice such therapy and two organizations that support the widely discredited practice — the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality and the American Association of Christian Counselors, the Washington Blade reports.

Another proud moment for America.  The Holy Ghost of Jerry Falwell continues to walk the earth in the form of Liberty University, where, not content with the hatred and misinformation he spewed in life his legacy of nonsense and religious huxterism lives on and continues to embarrass all but the severely religiously dissociated.  At Liberty, you will remember, the Earth is but a few thousands of years old and “Creation Science” is the only REAL science.  At Liberty humans once played and frolicked with dinosaurs, before Noah’s Flood that is, and 9/11 was the result of God’s great displeasure with America for “tolerating” gays and “uppity women” in our midst.

Now, in case any of you my gentle readers think this is crazy I must remind you of the reality of the country we are talking about.  This is America and this bullshit is FUCKING REAL!  This is happening in Virginia, the home of Washington, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe and many truly fine universities, the University of Virginia and Virginia Tech to name but a few.  Oh, but no “university” in Virginia receives as much government backed federal student aid and loan money as Liberty does and none is growing anywhere near as fast as Liberty is.  No university in Virginia has their success and I have no choice but to conclude that, unlike “other” universities who actually permit gay students to attend classes, Liberty’s success must have something to do with the fact that they don’t.  Possibly, it may have something to do with the fact that they permit Republican Student organizations on campus, but, not Democratic ones…. But, I can’t be sure.  Then again, it may have something to do with the fact that it is permissible to carry loaded firearms to classes at Liberty, but, should a male and female unmarried student be caught alone.. They will of course be expelled.

Now they have set their sights and mustered their religious wrath in the direction of the Great Garden State of New Jersey and its popular republican governor, Chris Christie.  Governor Christie it seems has had the unmitigated gall to institute a law that bans “ex-gay” therapy.  It is Liberty Counsel’s contention that…  “Chris Christie has essentially declared war” on the “message of the Gospel.” The legislation, Mihet added, is a sign of “the power of the darkness in our time.”

The Darkness of our time.

Imagine that.

I don’t know, you can call Old Mrs. N. crazy if you like, but, it seems to me that “The Darkness of our time” is the Darkness of ignorance spread for profit in the form of religious hate, anti-intellectualism and the growing influence of corporate plutocracy over every facet of government and public life in America.  Personally, I don’t think it has anything to do with putting a stop to adults, who fancy themselves as “professionals”, tormenting, humiliating and threatening children into claiming that… they aren’t gay anymore.  

Jerry Falwell “claimed” that he was friends with and spoke with God.  Governor Chris Christie, in fact, is friends with and talks to Bruce Springsteen.

Mrs. N. is confident that, at least in this battle, the forces are grossly mismatched.

KIss, kiss

Mrs. N.

 

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JESUS is my Air Traffic Controller

It was announced this week that the control tower at Lynchburg Regional Airport will be closed.  Lucky for people using the airport Liberty University is right next door.  The Local newspaper reported the following…

“Round the clock prayer, targeted, or,Flight Specificprayer,… they are still working on the details.”  Either way passengers can rest assured that the entire Liberty student body will be praying like crazy that nobody is trying to land when you are taking off.  None of the students are gay and ample counseling is available for students troubled with masturbation issues, so, we are talking High Octane Prayers.  They are right next door too!

Unfortunately, this is all taking place during one of the happiest seasons of the year in Lynchburg… Easter.

Yes, Easter.  A time for Muslim jokes and the celebration of capital punishment and scapegoating.  A time of pretending and bullshitting the little children into believing that death isn’t real if you know the right tricks and formulas.  A time of Joy and a time of contemplation of the great mysteries of life.  “Why did the South lose the war?”…  “How the Hell did a nigger get elected president?”…  “When is Jesus going to start torturing all the gays?”

“Preacher says that evolution is a lie straight from hell… Preacher says people and dinosaurs lived at the very same time…  Preacher says people who don’t follow the teachings of The Lord sure going to be sorry when the Rapture comes…

At this wondrous time of year we are all called upon to look to our religious leaders for wise words and sound council.

Let the confusion end!  Let our Great Nation return to the Biblical Truths our Founding Fathers believed in and built this Nation upon.

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I wouldn’t worry at all if you find yourself flying into Lynchburg Regional Airport.  Whether you are coming to Lynchburg to visit the world famous Enema Museum, located at the production facilities and home of C.B. Fleet, Co., (the worlds largest manufacturer of enema and douche bags).. or, the site of The United Cigarette Factory where, [“In 1882, James A. Bolzak of Lynchburg revolutionized the cigarette industry with his invention of a cigarette making machine. Within four years, Bolzak was marketing 30 million pounds of tobacco a year from his factory in Lynchburg. Bolzak’s fortune would soon turn to ruin, however, when in 1890, a leak of lubricating fluid went undetected in the cigarette machinery, and thousands of contaminated cigarettes were distributed widely under Bolzak’s “One-Eyed Jack” and “Brown Dick” brands before the dangerous flaw was discovered. The tainted cigarettes tended to explode with fury in the face of smokers when lit, causing hundreds of deaths and disfiguring injuries. Those cigarettes that didn’t explode wreaked their own havoc in the form of serious and often-fatal lung ailments. The cigarette fiasco produced a crippling barrage of lawsuits against Bolzak, resulting in Bolzak’s own personal bankruptcy as well as the ultimate demise of the cigarette factory. Despondent from the tragic turn of events, Bolzak took his own life by stepping in front of a speeding locomotive on the railroad tracks near his factory…..”]  But, that’s probably something you already know.

So there is nothing to worry about.  You will probably land and take off with no problems.  The locals will be praying their asses off that you do.  The only problem I can think of, and it probably isn’t something that you should worry that much about, is if there are any non-Bible Believing Christians on your flight…  you know…

Like Muslims…

Like Jews…  Then, I’m afraid, you might be shit out of luck when it comes to Jesus watching out for your ass.  And, seeing as this is Lynchburg Virginia we are talking about, if you see anybody at the airport waving a flag like this…

Rent a car from Hertz, Budget…  Just get the fuck out of town as fast as you can.  Things are about to get messy in Jerry Falwell Land.

Kiss, kiss

Mrs. N.

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Woman burned alive for being ‘witch’

“A woman has been tortured and burned alive in Papua New Guinea after being accused of using sorcery to kill a young boy.   The woman, a mother aged 20 named as Kepari Leniata, was stripped, tied up and doused in petrol by the boy’s relatives in Mount Hagen in the Western Highlands, said the National newspaper.”

 

The US embassy in the capital, Port Moresby, condemned the killing as a “brutal murder” and stated, “There is no possible justification for this sort of violence”.

Really?

You shall not permit a sorceress to live.  [Exodus 22:18]

It is impossible to calculate accurately the total number of convicted witches who were burned at the stake or hanged in Europe between the fourteenth and seventeenth centuries, but few students begin guessing below the range of fifty to one hundred thousand, and some would double or triple that figure.  The reason for the persistence of the witchcraft idea and the burning of witches was that Christian authorities couldn’t let it die, without admitting that God’s word was wrong.

So nobody believes this baloney today… right?    Wrong!

I copied this from the catalogue of Liberty University.  It was on their “About” page under “What no other University can claim.”

…”An uncompromising doctrinal statement, based upon an inerrant Bible, a Christian worldview beginning with belief in biblical Creationism, an eschatological belief in the pre-millennial, pre-tribulational coming of Christ for all of His Church, dedication to world evangelization, an absolute repudiation of “political correctness,” a strong commitment to political conservatism, total rejection of socialism, and firm support for America’s economic system of free enterprise.”…

Now… was that a mouth full of Crazy-Ass Shit, or what?

Here is the really hilarious part.  This year Liberty University has received MORE money in Government Guaranteed Student Loans ($450,000,000) than any other “University” in the State of Virginia.  More than The University of Virginia and more than Virginia Tech, both Top 50 schools world wide.  Liberty University, unlike UVA & Tech, does not admit gay students or permit a “Democrat” Club on campus.  They are listed as a “Non-Competitive” school which is their way of saying that if your check can clear the bank…. You are in!  As a result they are making so much money they can’t  spend it fast enough.  All their “professors” are untenured, so, the slightest deviation from “The Bible” in their teaching puts the Kaybosh on their illustrious career at Liberty.

Bill Maher noted that Liberty teaches “creation science,” and the idea that earth was created 5,000 years ago. “This is a school you flunk out of when you get the answers right,”… Much as conservatives believe gay marriage cheapens their own vows, “I think a diploma from Liberty cheapens my diploma from a real school,” he continued.

That is a picture of the fat bastard that got Liberty off the Ground.  When decent white folks were forced by the Federal Government to send their children to the same schools with “Negroes” Jerry Falwell got into the Education business by opening up White Private Christian Academies.  He and his Clan have been raking in tax free money hand over fist ever since teaching bigotry to the sons & daughters of the bigoted.  All this went down in Lynchburg, Virginia.  It’s a VERY Christian town.  As a matter of fact it is such a Christian town that when the courts decided that “Negroes” should be permitted to swim in the community swimming pools along with decent white folks….. they filled the pools in with dirt.

Now, you are probably asking yourself…. Mrs. N…  what the hell does all this have to do with some poor woman getting burned as a witch, in Papua New Guinea?  Well, I’ll tell you….

People are people where ever you go in this world.  They all are subject to culture and there is no culture (to the best of my knowledge) that doesn’t have supernatural beliefs…. “Paranormal beliefs”… including ours.  So don’t go getting ideas in your head that those people in Papua New Guinea are that different, or, primitive compared to us.  There are NOT!

Any country that can support a Liberty University and have a guy who wears magic underpants get as close to being President as Mitt Romney did… Well, lets just say that we have far more reason to be embarrassed than we do to feel proud…..

Kiss, kiss

Mrs. N.

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A Tale of Two Cities – or, “Insanity is Our ONLY Defense”

I am putting the world on notice that TODAY I an officially giving up on any claim to sanity, any pretense to logic, clear thinking, rationality, common sense or sweet reason.  The artifice must end, the curtain on this charade has come down for me and I am free, perhaps, free for the first time in my adult life.  I feel great!

Now, before anyone gets to thinking that it’s time to call the men in the white coats, I assure you, I haven’t lost my senses, like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas morning… “I’ve come to them”.  I have just stopped running from what I am, from what we all are.  I have decided to stop pretending that anything makes sense and, most of all, I have decided to stop wasting time and energy even trying.  I’m just going to have fun instead.  My epiphany has been, after a lifetime of searching, that “having fun” (without hurting or bringing harm to others, of course) is the only true purpose of human beings.  It’s so obvious to me now.

OK, before I get to telling you what the title of this essay is about I have to interject what I just heard on the morning news.  Politicians in Mississippi have just announced that they want to issue a license plate commemorating the life of the leader of the Ku Klux Klan.  In my new and enlightened state of mind I have no problem with that at all.  I think it is unfortunate that they missed the opportunity to announce this on Martin Luther King Day, but, better late than never I always say.

Now, to the real meat of this essay.  I have picked two cities I know at least a little something about.  Hollywood California because everybody knows about Hollywood… and Lynchburg Virginia because I live near there.

One, is the headquarters of “The Liberal Media” and the glorification of every depravity known to man.  “Tinsel Town” where the party never stops and bad publicity is far better than no publicity at all.  The other, the home of “The Moral Majority” where homosexuality remains a curable disease and nothing can cost you your good reputation faster than being caught dancing, or God forbid, drinking.  Both cities, though as far apart politically, socially, economically and philosophically as they can be, consider themselves the epitome of just what it is that makes America the great country it is.  AND THEY ARE RIGHT!

It is so clear to me now.  For so long I tried to put ducks in a row and force the jagged pieces of the puzzle of life to fit together as I “assumed” they must.  What a fool I was.

Here is a short list of people who are far more successful than me (and you) who live in Hollywood.  Tom Cruise, Chick Corea, Isaac Hays, Lisa Marie and Priscilla Presley, John Travolta, Greta Van Susteren, Edgar Winter and Kirstie Alley.  Here is a taste of what they believe.

…”Xenu was the ruler of a Galactic Confederacy 75 million years ago, which consisted of 26 stars and 76 planets including Earth, which was then known as “Teegeeack”.The planets were overpopulated, with an average population of 178 billion.The Galactic Confederacy’s civilization was comparable to our own, with aliens “walking around in clothes which looked very remarkably like the clothes they wear this very minute” and using cars, trains and boats looking exactly the same as those “circa 1950, 1960” on Earth.  Xenu was about to be deposed from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of psychiatrists, he summoned billions of his citizens together under the pretense of income tax inspections, then paralyzed them and froze them in a mixture of alcohol and glycol to capture their souls.”…

I can’t give you a list, even a short one, of the famous and successful people who live in Lynchburg because, other than Jerry Falwell and his clan, I don’t think there were or are any.  BUT, there are thousands and thousands of Americans just like you and me that believe this…

…”An immortal, all seeing all knowing entity, lives in the sky.  He created EVERYTHING.  He did that somewhere between 6000 & 10,000 years ago.  Then he got incredibly pissed off and killed everybody and everything except for a few people he was fond of and two of every kind of animal.  He is starting to REALLY get pissed off again and will soon float up into the sky people whose sexual habits and “life Styles” he approves of, leaving their dentures and hearing aids and orthopedic appliances behind.  He is particularly pissed off at Democrats, Muslims and women who refuse to have all the babies he wants them to have.  Soon he will make all who did not believe in him VERY sorry.  Many of our politicians in Washington also feel deep in their hearts that this is true also, even if they have never visited Lynchburg.

Prior to today this kind of stuff made my head hurt.  John Travolta has his own 747 and Lynchburg airport isn’t big enough for him to land it there.  The Falwell Family has their own jet.  It’s much smaller, but, it is exactly the size the Sky Father wants them to have.  I drive a Saturn.  I can park it almost anywhere.

Thirty-thousand years ago our ancestors were drawing pictures of animals on cave walls that were so good that it makes many artists today embarrassed.  It makes me embarrassed.  They were burying their dead with flowers and elaborate gifts for them to make good use of in the next life.  A few things have changed since then, but, not really very much.  On the one hand we have a lot more stuff.  On the other we do a lot less dancing.  I see it as kind of a wash.

The most important part of the last sentence in that last paragraph are the three little words… “I see it”.

In the end it’s about farting around and laughing as much as you can.  It’s about understanding that absolutely ANYTHING goes provided it doesn’t make it more difficult to fart around and laugh.  [I’m going to write that again]

It’s about understanding that absolutely ANYTHING goes provided it doesn’t make it more difficult to fart around and laugh.

Alan Watts once wrote that Life is the “game” of Black and White.  He said that the biggest mistake anybody could ever make was to confuse it for the game of… “White must win”.

Forgive me for saying so, but… that guy knew his shit.

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