SPANDEX (Communist Plot?)

The year 1959 was a turning point for the United States of America in more ways than one.

On February 3rd a chartered plane transporting musicians Buddy HollyRitchie Valens, and The Big Bopper and pilot Roger Peterson goes down in foggy conditions near Clear Lake, Iowa, killing all 4 occupants on board. The tragedy is later termed “The Day the Music Died“.

On March 9th the Barbie doll debuts.  From that day onward the pattern was set and the plot to inculcate young American females with wholly unrealistic  expectations with regard to their bodies was launched.  It will later be referred to as “The Day the Normal Female Body Died”.

To the untrained eye neither of the occurrences listed above would seem at all related.  How could they be?  What could they possibly have to do with each other?  Well, if you are patient, Mrs. N. will fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle for you.  There are only three more pieces to go.  Pay attention.  Soon it will be clear to you that a diabolical plot to destroy America from within has been underway, right under our noses, since 1959… and the FBI, CIA and all the other so called “Guardians” of our democracy have been asleep at the switch all the while.  Here are 3 more pieces of information.

#1.  In september 1959 Soviet Union leader Nikita Khrushchev meets Mao Zedong in Beijing.  The meeting takes place under unprecedented levels of secrecy at a heavily guarded underground chemical laboratory.

#2. Later that same month, at a meeting with journalists in the U.S., Khrushchev, for no apparent reason, repeated his famous Marxist thesis  “We will burry you”… except this time he added, quite enigmatically and under his breath… “In piano cases”.  At the time no one had any idea what this could have meant and it was widely considered to be a mistake in translation.  The matter was forgotten.  Forgotten that is until one more piece of 1959 trivia was added to the mix.  One more piece of information that transforms unrelated happenings into what historians will one day recognize as the most dastardly, diabolical and successful Communist plot to utterly destroy America, and the American way of life, ever conceived.

#3.   Hidden away within shouting distance of the home of Thomas Jefferson lies the sleepy little town of Waynesboro, Virginia.  Late in the year 1959 a delegation of Russian scientists made a supervised visit to a small laboratory in Waynesboro on what was termed… A peaceful scientific exchange mission.  Shortly there after a polyurethanepolyurea copolymer  was supposedly” invented, by two chemists who were present at the meeting, and immediate production began at DuPont‘s Benger Laboratory, in Waynesboro, of a material that, unbeknownst to anyone at the time, would spell the eventual doom of America.

The name of that material was Spandex.  It is an anagram for the word “expands”.


This is what used to happen to Americans who ate too much… before Spandex.


This is what Americans who eat too much look like now, AFTER Spandex.


It is only when one puts the whole package together, as Mrs. N. has done for you, that one can fully see the brilliance of the Commie Bastards.  First they kill off Americas greatest musicians casting a shadow of depression over the entire culture.  Next they introduce a doll that will be responsible for generations of young women feeling depressed and miserable about their own bodies.  THEN, when no one is even the least suspicious they slowly and systematically take away the one thing that stops Americans from overeating.  The one thing that stops us from “over soothing” our communist induced depressions with food.  The only thing that prevents us from “over medicating” ourselves with pies, cakes, soda, potato chips, french fries and all the rest….  TIGHT CLOTHES!

Where once there were natural physical restraints to our all to human predispositions to overeat, when faced with unhappiness, NOW… there are none!  Spandex, and the stinking Commies have seen to that.  Our health care system is overloaded, and almost bankrupt, with citizens suffering from weight related diseases.  Diabetes, even in children, is reaching epidemic proportions.   Abnormal has, in America, become normal, and thanks to the Commies even going to the beach, or, shopping has become a profoundly demoralizing experience.   It took almost fifty years for the combined plotting of the Chinese and Soviet Communists to come to fruition and old Nikita never lived to see the results.

But, we should have known.  We should have been more suspicious when a series of supposedly “impromptu exchanges” (through interpreters) took place between then U.S. Vice President Richard (tricky Dick) Nixon and Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev at the opening of the American National Exhibition at Sokolniki Park in Moscow.   The date was July 24, 1959.

History remembers them, quite fittingly, and ironically, as….  The Kitchen Debates.

By the year 2010 approximately 80% of all the clothing sold in the United States contained Spandex, and the “open concept” of housing design had made the kitchen the primary room and center focus of American family living.  Our economy, health care system, educational system and infrastructure lie in ruins.



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3 responses to “SPANDEX (Communist Plot?)

  1. I was wondering how you were going to tie that all together… It all makes sense though. America’s obesity epidemic can now be blamed on… communism (seriously, is there anything that ‘the right’ can’t blame on communism?).

    On the topic of obesity… Some psychologists claim that ratings of female attractiveness were evolutionarily programmed into our biology according to an unconscious evaluation of a woman’s ‘waist-hip’ ratio (apparently 0.7-0.8 is ideal). I wonder what the average is in some of those states where obesity is a real problem… certainly above that. Yet despite the claimed importance of ‘sexual fitness’ to this evolved human psychology, many continue to wear their stretchy pants so that they can eat those McDonald’s cheeseburgers.

  2. I’m not sure about the “unconscious evaluation of a woman’s waist-hip ratio” Brad. If such a thing exists, here in the South, I would suggest that the “module” that gets inherited is a tad off kilter. In last years edition of you will find a picture of local young lovers on their wedding day. I’ll let you be the judge.

    Thanks for your interest Brad.
    I want you to know that I tell all the crazy people I know… “If you are ever in Nova Scotia… I know a guy.”
    Be well

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