The Problem with EARTH

In my humble opinion there is a very good reason why Earth has never been contacted by any of the oodles of intelligent life forms that, statistically, must exist in the universe.  They are smarter than us and they know better.

On the Great Galactic Google Map Search there is a stern [WARNING] to any and all sentient spacefaring beings that reads something like this:

DO NOT GO THERE!  Although this planet contains a plethora of interesting life forms of astonishing variety it’s primary (and only sentient) form of life is [FULL OF SHIT] to the point that they not only pose a grave danger to other sentient beings, but, to themselves and all life forms unfortunate enough to come in contact with them.  [STAY THE FUCK AWAY]

Encyclopedia Galactica:  EARTH  (as of this writing Earth remains under Primary Interdict)

Due to an unfortunate glitch in normal evolutionary progression from lower to higher forms of intelligence the primary sentient inhabitants of Earth became stuck in what has been called a “Greed Based Feedback Loop”.  Rather than appreciating the wonders of our universe and acknowledging, as all truly sentient beings do, that life can never exist without death the inhabitants of Earth made use of a little known, or understood, technique known as Bullshit.  With this technique they convinced themselves that THEY were not only more important than any other form of life, but, were in possession of supernatural powers and insights denied to all other living things.  With the use of these “powers” they professed to each other that they could not only deny death, but, exist eternally in a cosmic fantasy land of their own minds construction.  This intellectual aberration did not only happen once, but, untold numbers of times, each example being different and exclusionary of all others.  Wholesale slaughter was the inevitable result punctuated by short periods of equilibrium in situations where one example of Bullshit proved capable of temporarily holding all the others at bay.  It is not that the inhabitants of the planet Earth failed to understand that they were made of the same chemicals as everything else, they just, due to their developmental flaw, refused to acknowledge that they were not magical and therefor superior to any and all other forms of life.  This makes them not only DANGEROUS to themselves, but, to all life forms that may come in contact with them.  (This is the reason The Galactic Council of Minds has saw fit to place Earth under a Grade #1 Primary Interdict.

[Example]   The latest information gathered from deep space observations of Earth indicate that their dominant culture is locked in a debate centering upon “who” their next leader should be.  Their current leaders flesh (carapace) is of a color found despicable and inferior by a large number of the inhabitants.  The Bullshit he comforts himself with is considered suspect and inefficient in providing the population with lies colorful enough to ease their existential agony.  His opponent offers the population a brand of Bullshit and supernatural falderal so outlandish as to capture the attention and admiration of many.  He is also of a highly admired color.  The essence of this opponents Bullshit revolves around his insistence that a mythical Being created the universe with the intent that members of their species who share his Bullshit should be the Lords and Masters of ALL and that, if they obey all the rules, they will not only live eternally, but be rejoined with their genetic relatives in what they term “A better place”.   Failure to accept and obey the above mentioned rules, he insists, will result in eternal agony enforced by the Primary Supreme Being who is claimed to reside on the planet KOLOB* designated as the Master Planet by all who accept this brand of Bullshit in lieu of rational thought that remains all but unknown on the planet Earth.  It is currently thought by many inhabitants of Earth that this candidate will be the next leader of its most powerful civilization of Bullshitters.  It is further anticipated by The Grand Galactic Council of Minds that the sentient life forms of Earth will, regardless of who or what leads them, rightfully Bullshit themselves out of existence in short order.

[Kolob]  A small planet on the outer edges of the Garthroid Cluster (coordinates: 376B733W81K632H) well known for the fine artisanal cheeses produced by its highly intelligent arachnid inhabitants.  (see: Glip-click-thong “The Insistent” and the Exalted Web-Keepers of Kolob)


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