It’s so embarrassing….

It has been three days of cold rain here on the east side of the Blue Ridge and it is taking its toll.  Add to that the seemingly endless Republican Debates that aren’t debates at all and the hideously depressing cast of characters they spew forth and encourage to vote and I have about reached my limit.  This morning I read about a woman with two vaginas.  A pornographer has offered her a million dollars to make a movie.   Won’t that be something?

Every morning, as I rise from my bed, I sit and look out the window and contemplate the world without me in it.  Today it was way too easy.  Today the disappointment of it all was right there up front like a bad tooth that can’t be ignored.  I’m not quite suicidal because I have always had that fear that if I didn’t hang in there, stay late at the party, I would miss something important.  I still need to see how things end, but, today not nearly so much.  Today naps of indeterminate length are a comfort.  A half hour, six months, a billion years…. There is no difference to a man who loves nothing so much as a good nap.

I spoke to an 84 year old gentleman over the weekend.  Last year he fell off a church roof, where he was doing some repairs, and his shoulder still isn’t right.  He is hard as nails and loves to tell the story of how he asked Jesus to save him from cigarettes.  Fifty years ago he smoked three packs a day and cried out to Jesus for help and hasn’t touched one since.  He just spent $6,400 on two hearing aids.  It was all of his savings.  He has nothing left.  He could have purchased about a dozen 50 inch, flat screen TVs for that amount of money.   If he was enormously fat Medicare would have bought him a scooter to drive around on.  If he was younger they would have paid $50,000+ to cut him open like a trout and staple his stomach shut.   But, he just couldn’t hear, so, the hearing aid guy cleaned him out.  Capitalism at its finest.

Crap. 
It’s all crap. 
Living is crap. 
Life has no meaning. 
None. Nowhere to be found. 
Crap. 
Why doesn’t anybody realize this?”   (Hasegawa)

In the end isn’t it about mustering the fascination?  Picking up the ball and running into the future where it all will make sense and the pain will stop cold and be replaced with some kind of understanding that makes it all very worthwhile?  As if…

 “Life’s greatest gift is the freedom it leaves you to step out of it whenever you choose.”   (Andre Breton)

How frightening it is to be ourselves.  How difficult it is to observe the strangeness head on without blinking.   Muster that fascination and keep the top spinning, keep the ball rolling in the right direction.  Let one thing lead you to another and like the Buddha advised, be mindful.  When washing dishes be careful to just wash dishes and you will probably be all right, for a while.    But don’t sit out alone on warm starry nights.  Don’t let yourself dwell on how temporary and ridiculous it all is.   Don’t think about how they make sausages, why, or, out of what.   Never visit a slaughter house.

     “People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.”  (Lemony Snicket)

So, you just have to really maintain a taste for salad.

This is the background on Newt Gingrich’s wife.  She was younger and her hair was different, but, it’s her.

Long before the woman with two vaginas there were those who made a living exploiting the anatomically overendowed.

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”   (Kurt Vonnegut)

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “It’s so embarrassing….

  1. Thank you for this, Mrs. Neutron. I was anticipating an insightful commentary and you never disappoint. You present some brilliant and thought-provoking connections here. I take solace in the Breton quote, and you have made me laugh today, as well!

  2. AnitaNH it is very kind of you to say such nice things. Making someone laugh is mother’s milk to me. I too take comfort from that quote. We don’t have to wait to get fired. We can say, “I quit!”
    I think art, of any kind, always involves a degree of thin-icemanship.
    “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” (Oscar Wilde)

    stay warm

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