A Tale of Two Cities – or, “Insanity is Our ONLY Defense”

I am putting the world on notice that TODAY I an officially giving up on any claim to sanity, any pretense to logic, clear thinking, rationality, common sense or sweet reason.  The artifice must end, the curtain on this charade has come down for me and I am free, perhaps, free for the first time in my adult life.  I feel great!

Now, before anyone gets to thinking that it’s time to call the men in the white coats, I assure you, I haven’t lost my senses, like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas morning… “I’ve come to them”.  I have just stopped running from what I am, from what we all are.  I have decided to stop pretending that anything makes sense and, most of all, I have decided to stop wasting time and energy even trying.  I’m just going to have fun instead.  My epiphany has been, after a lifetime of searching, that “having fun” (without hurting or bringing harm to others, of course) is the only true purpose of human beings.  It’s so obvious to me now.

OK, before I get to telling you what the title of this essay is about I have to interject what I just heard on the morning news.  Politicians in Mississippi have just announced that they want to issue a license plate commemorating the life of the leader of the Ku Klux Klan.  In my new and enlightened state of mind I have no problem with that at all.  I think it is unfortunate that they missed the opportunity to announce this on Martin Luther King Day, but, better late than never I always say.

Now, to the real meat of this essay.  I have picked two cities I know at least a little something about.  Hollywood California because everybody knows about Hollywood… and Lynchburg Virginia because I live near there.

One, is the headquarters of “The Liberal Media” and the glorification of every depravity known to man.  “Tinsel Town” where the party never stops and bad publicity is far better than no publicity at all.  The other, the home of “The Moral Majority” where homosexuality remains a curable disease and nothing can cost you your good reputation faster than being caught dancing, or God forbid, drinking.  Both cities, though as far apart politically, socially, economically and philosophically as they can be, consider themselves the epitome of just what it is that makes America the great country it is.  AND THEY ARE RIGHT!

It is so clear to me now.  For so long I tried to put ducks in a row and force the jagged pieces of the puzzle of life to fit together as I “assumed” they must.  What a fool I was.

Here is a short list of people who are far more successful than me (and you) who live in Hollywood.  Tom Cruise, Chick Corea, Isaac Hays, Lisa Marie and Priscilla Presley, John Travolta, Greta Van Susteren, Edgar Winter and Kirstie Alley.  Here is a taste of what they believe.

…”Xenu was the ruler of a Galactic Confederacy 75 million years ago, which consisted of 26 stars and 76 planets including Earth, which was then known as “Teegeeack”.The planets were overpopulated, with an average population of 178 billion.The Galactic Confederacy’s civilization was comparable to our own, with aliens “walking around in clothes which looked very remarkably like the clothes they wear this very minute” and using cars, trains and boats looking exactly the same as those “circa 1950, 1960” on Earth.  Xenu was about to be deposed from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of psychiatrists, he summoned billions of his citizens together under the pretense of income tax inspections, then paralyzed them and froze them in a mixture of alcohol and glycol to capture their souls.”…

I can’t give you a list, even a short one, of the famous and successful people who live in Lynchburg because, other than Jerry Falwell and his clan, I don’t think there were or are any.  BUT, there are thousands and thousands of Americans just like you and me that believe this…

…”An immortal, all seeing all knowing entity, lives in the sky.  He created EVERYTHING.  He did that somewhere between 6000 & 10,000 years ago.  Then he got incredibly pissed off and killed everybody and everything except for a few people he was fond of and two of every kind of animal.  He is starting to REALLY get pissed off again and will soon float up into the sky people whose sexual habits and “life Styles” he approves of, leaving their dentures and hearing aids and orthopedic appliances behind.  He is particularly pissed off at Democrats, Muslims and women who refuse to have all the babies he wants them to have.  Soon he will make all who did not believe in him VERY sorry.  Many of our politicians in Washington also feel deep in their hearts that this is true also, even if they have never visited Lynchburg.

Prior to today this kind of stuff made my head hurt.  John Travolta has his own 747 and Lynchburg airport isn’t big enough for him to land it there.  The Falwell Family has their own jet.  It’s much smaller, but, it is exactly the size the Sky Father wants them to have.  I drive a Saturn.  I can park it almost anywhere.

Thirty-thousand years ago our ancestors were drawing pictures of animals on cave walls that were so good that it makes many artists today embarrassed.  It makes me embarrassed.  They were burying their dead with flowers and elaborate gifts for them to make good use of in the next life.  A few things have changed since then, but, not really very much.  On the one hand we have a lot more stuff.  On the other we do a lot less dancing.  I see it as kind of a wash.

The most important part of the last sentence in that last paragraph are the three little words… “I see it”.

In the end it’s about farting around and laughing as much as you can.  It’s about understanding that absolutely ANYTHING goes provided it doesn’t make it more difficult to fart around and laugh.  [I’m going to write that again]

It’s about understanding that absolutely ANYTHING goes provided it doesn’t make it more difficult to fart around and laugh.

Alan Watts once wrote that Life is the “game” of Black and White.  He said that the biggest mistake anybody could ever make was to confuse it for the game of… “White must win”.

Forgive me for saying so, but… that guy knew his shit.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “A Tale of Two Cities – or, “Insanity is Our ONLY Defense”

  1. There is a lengthy and fascinating article in the most recent issue (14 Feb.2011) of The New Yorker titled “The Apostate: Paul Haggis vs. the Church of Scientology” by Lawrence Wright that mentions some of the successful folks on your short list.

    • Thank you Anita. I read it at 4:00am after the cat insisted it was time I should get up. I was in no position to argue and, as usual, she was right. In fact, the article you mentioned started my reading day and probably played a critical roll in nudging me over the edge. I just arose from a two hour nap in the sun where I dreamt I was eating an enormous plate of perogies smothered in onions. A smiling man I did not recognize stood by the table playing the accordion. The magnificent adventure that is my life continues to unfold.

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